That Lady with the milk on tap and cozy shoulder (the Girl and Boy call her
"Mom") left her laptop open. I've been very busy doing all sorts of new tricks for that Lady, but it barely registers. Has she updated this journal recently? No. So, I decided to do it myself. What's a baby got to do around here to get a little publicity? Geeish.
She's in the kitchen, yelling at the Girl and Boy to take one more bite of some yucky green stuff if they want to get some yummy, chocolate stuff. She thinks I'm rolling around the floor in the playroom. But, I'm not. I can crawl now (and type and write coherent sentences. Who knew?). I helped myself to her blog to tell you what's really been going on in our house.
For starters, some babies have it easy. I don't. I'm cute, yeah, and pretty funny. Most strangers say I'm adorable, actually. But, it's hard being adorable all the time. Sure, I flash my jack-o-lantern grin fairly freely, but that's only because the Girl and Boy crack me up. They're always dancing in front of me, telling made-up
"knock, knock" jokes, or hitting each other over the head with rubber bowling pins. It's hilarious. When the Girl calls me
"ch, ch, ch, ch Charlie," I laugh so hard I think I pee my diaper. The Boy is nice too. Sometimes he gets mad when I slobber on his Spiderman and Batman action figures, but that Lady tells him that we all share toys in this house. Except, the Joker, she won't let me chew on the bad guys because she says I'm too young for villains. That Boy also has really tasty army men, cars, and tools. A couple of the tools even talk to me; one says,
"we've got work to do," but I don't know what that means. Even though the Boy doesn't like it when I chew on his tools or knock down his block towers, he sometimes tries to give me M&Ms, and I like that. Until that Lady finds out.
Even so, it's hard being a baby. That Boy and Girl are very busy. That Lady puts us all in a giant, white moving thing about 20 times a day, probably. Then, she speeds all over town, saying
"hurry, hurry, hurry" and
"will you please quit touching each other." I'm not even touching anyone. We have to visit special rooms for the Girl and Boy every day; she calls them classrooms. There are lots of small people there who poke my belly, make silly faces, and say
"coochie coochie coo." Then the Boy and Girl pull my arms and legs and that Lady tells everyone to back off and she raises me real high. I like the tickles. Who am I kidding? I LOVE the tickles. But, afterward, that Lady always rubs stinky, wet stuff all over my hands and I don't like that. Because, sometimes, I like to put my thumb in my mouth and then it tastes yucky. The Boy's army men taste better though, so I'll just suck on those later. That Lady also makes me sit out in the hot sun or cool wind to watch dumb ol' soccer games. She drags me around town for stops at the grocery story, doctor's office, recycling center, and lots of other places. She tells me,
"Just one more stop, Charlie," but that usually means we have a bunch more stops. I'm a very busy baby. At night, I just want to soak my chubby toes in a warm bath. I love baths. But, that Lady only gives me one every other day or so. Dang it. She must be busy too.
The good thing about being a baby is the food. That Lady lets me try all sorts of new foods now. Fig Newtons are better than army men, so are sweet potatoes, pears, and yogurt parfaits from McDonalds. She also gave me some delicious, orange stuff that the Boy and Girl called
"cheese." It sounds like
"peas," but I don't like those. My favorite, favorite are bananas. Mashed, of course.
OK, so maybe being a baby isn't so bad. I love sleeping with the Lady. She's cozy and we cuddle. There's a big, tall Guy too. He likes to lift me high in the hair and blow bubbles on my tummy. Those are nice. And, now that I can crawl, I explore the other rooms and make new discoveries every day. Like hair bands and puzzle pieces. Rubber ends from the door stops and crunchy leaves that were blown inside. And, tiny little plastic things. Except, when I find those, that Lady yells at the Boy to
"please put away his legos." Or, she yells at the Girl to
"please put away the princess shoes." Pretty soon, I'm going to be bigger. I'll be louder and will be able to say more than just
"Da da da." I'll tell these people that a baby can only watch so much Diego, Little Einsteins, or princess movies. I'll tell them that I can't stomach another round of
"Purple People Eater" on the Halloween CD. And, I'll tell them to quit hogging that Lady -- because she's really pretty and nice and makes good food and I want her all to myself.
Uh oh. I just heard my name. It's the Lady. Time for dinner.